even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
