Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
