watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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