I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
