honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
