I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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