Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
