the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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