I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
