i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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