bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
