A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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