you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I want to fling myself into the sun
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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