We got so high we made milksteak
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
