he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
