Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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