that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
