Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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