I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
tell me about the eggs
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