y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
