either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
