Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
