only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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