This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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