i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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