We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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