haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
