i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
