Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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