Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
