I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
