so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
