You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize