New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
