I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
