just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
