Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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