I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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