Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She bit a glass in half.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
