I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
