He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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