When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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