the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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