I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
