If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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