tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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