I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
