she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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