Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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