my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
