There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
