He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i drank out of a bidet.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
