There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
