She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
