I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
