my phone needs a breathalizer
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
