If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
