i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
