my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
