we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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