I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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