can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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