Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
