omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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