dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
