He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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