I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
