Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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