dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
