You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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