quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
