We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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