Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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