My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Can I color on your dick again?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
