i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
