I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
