if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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