i already hear my dad disowning me
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
