dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
