just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
